I've mentioned my hobby of collecting Bigfoot sightings -- that strange half-man half-gorilla hairy that roams the backwoods, mountains and deserted areas of the world. Although Bigfoot has been sighted many times, and left footprints and hair samples, only a few blurry photos and movies exist of this elusive creature.
Things started looking up when two guys claimed to have found the body of a Sausquatch in a Georgia forest:
"We were not looking for Bigfoot. ... We wouldn't know what we were doing if we did," said Matthew Whitton, one of the two men. "I didn't believe in Bigfoot at the time. ... But you've got to come to terms with it and realize you've got something special. And that's what it was."
Although their story is intriguing, there were a few sticking points. First, the men told three different stories about how they came by the body. Second, the 'body' looks like a gorilla costume jammed in the box. Put Xes on the eyes, and it would almost look like a cartoon. (Take a look at the photo in the report, and you'll see what I mean.)
Third, the men were being promoted by a guy who'd promoted fake Bigfoot sightings in the past. Whitton and the other man, Rick Dyer, said the skepticism didn't matter -- they'd prove the body was real. They'd allow samples from the carcass to be tested.
Well, here are the results of the DNA analysis:
Sample #1: human
Sample #2: opossum (96% probability)
Here's the report --
"Tom Biscardi, host of a weekly online radio show about the Bigfoot, said the samples may have been contaminated, and plans on going forward with an autopsy of the 'body'." The report also mentions that Whitton and Dyer just happen to own a company that sells Bigfoot merchandise. (I'm sure that's a 'coincidence,' too.)
And Bigfoot is belting out that strange scream/laugh somewhere in the Georgia pines right now: